I am a 28-year-old woman, who’s been married for 8 years. We also have a 7-year-old son. The problem I am facing is that my husband has a hard time trusting me. He thinks I am hiding my past from him and also that I cheated on him after marriage. I have told him everything about my previous relationship and he got me to describe all details too, yet he thinks I am lying and accuses me of having a bad character. He doesn’t respect my family nor has he ever respected me. He even cheated on me emotionally, while I was unaware about his acts for 3 years. But I didn’t leave him then, only for the sake of our son. Even now, when I consider leaving him my son comes to my mind. My personality has changed after being in this marriage. Will I be selfish if I walk out knowing that I may lose my son? Will my son think ill of me, when he grows up?

Answer by Moulika Mandal: Thank you for coming up with this question and this probably will help other women in opening up about their marital issues too. I am sorry that for 8 years, you had to be in a marriage where you felt your feelings were being constantly clobbered.

Marriage is an institution build up on mutual trust and respect. Disrespecting and levying accusations based on past assumptions is certainly not the way to make a marriage successful and clearly you or your husband seem to be having a lot of grudges. Addressing your first concern about whether it’ll be selfish to walk out on your marriage, I would suggest you to have an open conversation with your husband about how you both are not happy in this marriage. You may come up with a mutual understanding on improving or ending the marriage. As far as your son is concerned, you can consult a legal advisor on the chances of getting the custody of your son after divorce.

Your second issue- about your son thinking ill of you; well you can always stay in touch with him. Being in a bad marriage doesn’t mean you are a bad mother. You can explain that to him at the right time.

 I would still suggest you to consider everything that will be at stake if you end the marriage and everything that is costing your mental peace, while being in the marriage. Tallying both of them together may help you get the answer and the intermediate solutions.