I am a 30-year-old woman working in Bangalore and I met this 35-year-old guy from Chennai a month ago. We met through an online matrimonial site. We interacted with each other virtually for a month and then decided to meet face to face in Bangalore. Our meeting went on well and things were positive. But once he returned to Chennai, I could sense a change in him. He started giving me reasons and ignoring me. When I confronted him, he said it was due to work pressure and his dad’s operation. I gave him the required space and tried to stay in touch. But over the next few months, he blocked me and said can’t take things further. I was left clueless and depressed.
Strangely, after two months, he came back and requested for a patch up. I asked him to come forward only if he is willing to commit. He agreed. His dad’s death followed, so we maintained a low profile for sometime. Now, we are in a long distance relationship. He makes courteous calls, doesn’t remember my birthday or any other personal detail.
I have a very strong feeling towards him and I have never felt this way for anyone, but I don’t think he feels the same for me. What should I do?
Answer by Dr Parul Tank: It must be quite challenging and even frustrating for you to maintain the relationship despite the responses you get from him. Sometimes it is worthwhile to let go and observe the reaction. However, he may get confused and not understand why you are ignoring him. It may be useful to tell him how you feel about him not responding appropriately and how difficult it is getting to continue for you. A solution focused conversation wherein you mention what you expect from him in terms of time, concerns about your feelings can also be brought up. He may an introverted and not be very generous with expressing himself. This can however be changed if you discuss your expectations and emotional needs with him.