You may find your friends there for you in the most trying times, but how much should you actually involve them in your life? According to relationship professionals, when one has a conflict with their spouse, it is natural for them to approach their friends and family and vent out. But you never realise that at times it often does more harm than good to your relationship. For example, your best friend may try talking on your behalf to him or her and if it does not go down too well with your partner, it may escalate problems between the two of you.
Shweta Nanda who has been married for seven years, says, “I found it comforting to talk to my best friend about what happens between my husband and me. However, one day when my friend and her husband came over, she jokingly remarked how she knows what goes on in our house and the fights I’ve had with my husband. That day I realised I shouldn’t have discussed this with her at all.”
Dr Veena Chakravarthy, relationship counsellor says, “Though there is nothing wrong about confiding to someone you find solace in, do not express too much, else it may backfire or make you misunderstand your spouse.”
You may create a wrong impression about your spouse
Often you do not realise but you end up putting your partner in a wrong light in front of your friends and family. If you have common friends, they start judging your husband or wife. Not only is this wrong for your husband but for you as well.
Your partner may stop trusting you
Taking bedroom conversations out is also another way to lose out on the trust your spouse has on you. Letting out too many details can only make your partner lose their faith in you or a longer period of time.
Your friends should only be your ‘first line therapist’
If you have complete trust in your friend and need his or her perspective on the matter, then you can confide, but without some very private information and keep it just between you and your partner.
You might have a major misunderstanding with your partner due to letting out too much
You never know whether your friend really wants the best for you or not. Says marriage counselor Dr Sanjoy Mukerji, “What your friend advices you may always not be in the best interest. He or she may not be able to relate with you and thus could give you a false advice which may then further worsen the condition between you and your spouse.”
Who you can share your problems with
First and foremost if you have a serious problem with your spouse, you must talk it out with him or her.
Seek professional help if required. A therapist looks at the issue from both the sides, will understand both of you and will not be judgmental.
Talk to your parents, in-laws or your siblings. At times its easier for families to talk it out to your spouse and settle problems if any.