Arguments and disagreements are a part and parcel of every healthy relationship. It is impossible to co-exist in any relationship without any disagreements, and while not all of them might lead to arguments, psychologists have found that most married couples tend to argue about certain aspects of their life a lot more than others. Dr. Shazneen Limjerwala, a Psychotherapist and an expert in relationship issues, says these are the top six reasons for conflicts between married Indian couples.
This is the most common reason a conflict arises between most married couples. Dr Limjerwala says the issue is mainly about who earns more money, who has the right to spend more money and what is a legitimate area or where the money is going to be spent. These conflicts arise irrespective of the couple’s socio-economic status or background. Despite this, did you know that marriage is good for your heart?
While the common perception is that the kids help in bringing couples together and building intimacy by working together as a team, experts say that it is also one of the most common reasons why married couples get into arguments. The arguments revolving around the children are mainly about who gets to decide on what’s best for them. Each parent has different opinions on how to bring up the children and there also tends to be debates over who has a greater influence on the children.
Relatives or more commonly, the in-laws
In most Indian households, here the question is about how much access the in-laws have to the private marital space of the couple. This is mainly due to the fact that in-laws belong to a previous generation where they were perhaps living in a joint or extended family scenario but today, couples often live in a nuclear set-up and there are times when in-laws come and stay over. ‘At this point in time, there is a perception of infringement of personal space. There are also issues that arise out of the expectations that in-laws have of the spouse. So for example, what the mother-in-law or father-in-law will expect of the daughter-in-law or even the son-in-law,’ says Dr Limjerwala. Another major factor that plays a role in these kinds of conflicts is the differences between both the families. These are the 5 people who are ruining your marriage.
Gone are the days when it is only the wife who single-handedly juggled various household chores along with raising the children and also working. In fact, studies have shown that typically, men have far more leisure time than women who are working and rest of the time they are teaching the children, and engaged in household work. However, nowadays, Indian housewives expect their husbands to assist them in household chores. That is when the question of who does how much work arises which could lead to arguments, especially if the husband refuses to share the load. Researchers say you can give your married life a much needed boost just by listening to your spouse.
This is when lifestyle issues come into play and any married couple will tell you how stressful it can be to plan vacations together. One partner might want to go to a particular place and then there are questions of whether someone will accompany them, if at all for the vacation. Along with that, how much expenditure is appropriate to spend on the vacation, says Dr Limjerwala.
Past issues or conflicts
Couples tend to continuously fight over past issues or unresolved conflicts mainly because of the vast differences in their perceptions about the facts of what really happened. Each party selectively remembers or even tweaks the facts to an extent in order to put themselves in a better light and come across as the victim. Due to this, couples rarely agree on what really happened. Here’s how sex therapy could save your marriage.