When it comes to good sex, women often play martyrs, at the expense of being deprived of the many physical benefits that come with it. Casual or not, sex plays a crucial role in our lives.

Women, especially, kid themselves that good sex is not important for a thriving relationship. For them, it’s more about staying connected to their partner. “I was in a relationship where my partner got aroused easily. Since I was taking too long to get into the mood, I started having sex for the sake of it; each time feeling empty and incomplete,” remembers 24-year-old writer Rachna Singh.

Emphasising the importance of foreplay, Aditi Acharya, consultant psychiatrist, Healthenablr India, says, “While 90 per cent of males experience an orgasm during intercourse, as many as 30 per cent of women have never experienced an orgasm in their lifetime. One reason for that is, the latter is not directly related to reproduction. Moreover, a woman takes a while to empty her mind and enter into the game. This could take anything between 15 to 40 minutes.”


So what if your couch potato boyfriend fails to arouse you or your long-distance lover is not a phone sex per son or you’re just single? “Seducing yourself doesn’t mean scattering rose petals all over your bed. It could be anything low-maintenance to get you in the mood. Think aroma therapy candles and the like. Dim the lights, shut your eyes and let your imagination run wild,” shares sex coach Anindita Sen.
Films portray women as being in a constant state of sexual ecstasy. But in reality, only 20 per cent of women orgasm through penetrative sex. “The rest 80 percent women need other methods like clitoris stimulation, oral sex and vaginal stimulation. Multiple orgasms are quite rare and they can be reached only if the partner is extremely skilled,” says Dr Mithiya. So can the absence of a good sex life affect your relationship? “Of course, you are entitled to your off days, but if you’re in a relationship, it’s important to communicate with your partner. If you’re not too comfortable being direct it’s best to tell him what works and what doesn’t with vocal cues,” says fitness trainer Shivani Joshi.