We have been married for almost 2 years now and have had our share of ups and downs. I had always considered myself happily married until I got to know that my husband is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. I found out about this after reading text messages on his phone and when I confronted him, he told me that there’s nothing I should fret about as they’re just friends.However, I am not convinced why somebody would have to hide their ‘friendship’ in this case. My trust on him seems to be dwindling and even if they are friends, I don’t want to see them together. I have tried explaining him my concerns, but he seems to be ignoring it. I’m actually afraid if he’s still into her and if they’re secretly dating. How should I find out? – By Anonymous
Answer by Dr Samir Parikh: Our attitude towards our past changes from person to person – some people give it much greater importance than others do. Rather than focusing on the past, a better approach is to pay greater emphasis on your current relationship. It’s best not to second guess your husband’s motives or jump to conclusions either way. If something is troubling you, talk to your husband about it and share your discomfort with him. At the same time, hear him out to get a better understanding of his relationship with his ex-girlfriend.
Finding means of knowing whether your husband is dating this girl or not is counter-productive in the long run. Healthy relationships are built on trust, and it’s up to you to decide whether you trust your husband. Don’t focus the conversation simply on text messages or whether he’s dating this other girl; instead, also discuss your overall feelings of mistrust and together find ways of improving your communication pattern and sense of security in the relationship.
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