I am a 28-year-male. I am still a virgin and my girlfriend lives in USA. Since last 2 years I’ve become very obsessed sexually, so much so that whenever I see attractive women I get aroused. I have even started fantasizing about my cousin sisters and other women of my family, but in reality I actually feel very guilty of this and never want to do such things with my family members in mind. Whenever I am aroused, the first person coming to my mind is either my cousin sister or my aunt. Please help me out of this embarrassing situation.
Answer by Dr Atul Aswani: Here are some pointers to tackle your situation.
1. There was a time two years ago, when you allowed yourself to think on sexual topics and by today you have done so much thinking that sexual thoughts come automatic to you.
The point here is that you can unlearn these thoughts just as you have learned them.
2. The best way to beat thinking is doing something else. Take up an exercise routine. Develop an absorbing hobby. You will find your thoughts are lesser.
3. The very fact that family members appearing in your fantasies makes you uncomfortable means that you don’t want anything like that to happen in your life. Your guilt is proof that you do not appreciate that.
4. Finally, let us differentiate between “attraction” and “action on the attraction”. Sometimes you can’t help getting attracted, but whether to take action on the attraction or not is completely your call.
All this is in the mind. It has nothing to do with whether you are a virgin or not. And yes, taking control of your mind is completely your job. Not your girlfriend’s. Whether she is in US or next to you.By Dr Atul Aswani is a Psychiatrist and Counsellor based in Mumbai.