Are you falling for your best friend’s partner?


Antara Mohanty, an architect by profession, found herself in a sticky situation seven years ago when her best friend’s boyfriend started hitting on her. “I’d never been in a relationship, so when he started giving me those hints, I would be flattered initially. However, I backed out after he tried to get intimate with me while my friend was not around. I avoided meeting my friend when she was with him, which created differences between us,” she recalls.
Like Antara, there are probably many out there who have, at some point or the other, been in a similar predicament. You’ve either fallen for your best friend’s boyfriend or vice versa, which in turn, has led to a fallout with your friend. “I’ve come across many cases like that. The problem is that these kids do not understand the value of a particular relationship. Although such situations seldom arise on their own, they are mostly self-created. The age group of 14-23 years are among the most vulnerable to this kind of confusion in relationships,” asserts clinical psychologist Renuka Shrinath.
Here’s another instance. Advertising professional Khyati Parekh (name changed), says that her best friend’s boyfriend was the one who gave her a shoulder to cry when she was going through a break-up. She says, “My ex and he were friends, so I drew closer when he started spending more time with me to help me cope with the break-up. Eventually, the two of us started liking each other. After five months, I decided to tell my best friend, who was terribly hurt by the betrayal. We are no more friends. However, I am getting married to the same guy next year, so I guess he was never made for her.”
Counsellor Shaila Narayan says, “Most relationships go wrong these days as they are extremely fragile. A lot of people believe in being practical and prefer to be in a relationship with no commitment. It’s not surprising when they fall for someone else while being in such a relationship. However, if you are in a committed relationship, falling for your best friend’s partner is nothing but betrayal. One needs to know where to draw a line when you think something is going wrong.”

Antara seconds the observation. Based on her own experience, she advises, “The only option is to stay away from the person and continue to be loyal to your friend. In my case, the differences were sorted after a year when she broke up with him after he tried to hit on some other common friend. We are still best friends. And I thank God, I didn’t fall for him then.”
Steps to keep temptation at bay
Stop hanging around with your best friend and his/her partner, too often
 Try to concentrate on strengthening your friendshipTry to spend more time with him/her when the friend is alone

 Talk positive things about their relationship, when they have a fight and help them make up
 Try to keep yourself busy with other things or take up a long-forgotten hobby
 Talk to your friend if you think situations are going out of hand

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