Is empowerment also exploring your fantasies?


“The choice not to explore her sexual fantasies is entirely hers and she should not feel guilty or ashamed of her decision,” relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said.

He said many women are burdened as they struggle to cope with the fantasies that they have long dreamed up, but are forced to keep to themselves out of fear of their men’s reaction.

He explained that women are often forced to suppress their own sexuality because they are uncertain of how their partners might respond, or the fact that the men are not open in the bedroom.

And so some women in desperation attempt to realise their dreams with someone other than their partner.

“Depending on a woman’s moral or value system, she might decide to simply forget about the fantasy, while others (those who are more liberal) may decide that they want to try it with someone else,” Powell explained.

Marriage counsellor and sex therapist Reverend Dr Carla Dunbar also feels that a woman’s sexuality should never be suppressed.

“The Bible says marriage is honourable above all, and the bed is undefiled. Jamaica still contains many features of the plantation era where men are studs and women breeders, hence women are not empowered to the truth that they should enjoy their sexual experiences as much as their men do,” she explained.

But she pointed out that sex was given to both men and women for their enjoyment, and as such one sex should not be inferior to the other.

She advised married couples to build a sexual fantasy paradise where they can together maximise their sexual potential.

“If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride,” commented sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill. “It really means that if you could only wish for something to happen, then even the poorest of the poor could have everything they wanted.”

He explained that one can always desire something, but depending on constraints, it may become less likely to happen.

“A sexual fantasy is an extraordinary sexual experience that one wishes to encounter. Most of these sexual fantasies are daring or risky. Some people will choose to ignore their sexual fantasies while others use their imagination to live the experience while having sexual intercourse with their partners,” he said.

Regardless of the decision made by the woman, Dr McGill said that it is important that she is aware that she is in charge of her own sexuality.

He said once there is no emotional or physical danger to the fantasy, then there should be no limitations to the discussions, and this is something that couples should focus on achieving in their relationship.

However, he pointed out that no partner should allow themselves to be forced into any sexual experience that they are uncomfortable with.

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