We dream all sorts of dreams.Mine have been always pretty lucid. But when I began to expect a child, these dreams became pretty elaborate.I would constantly dream of becoming a mother – of the sweet joy of holding the little bundle in my arms, swaddling the baby to sleep and feeding him with my love. Dreams that could’ve been adapted into one 3-hour long movie!

Little did I know the fate that awaited these dreams.They were crushed under piles and piles of filthy diapers, wretched, sleepless nights and arguments with oneself over what to feed the baby and when.

I had only two constant companions: Mr Confusion and Mr Paranoia.The bottomline, folks, is this: motherhood is probably overrated and too damn gross.

Don’t get me wrong! I mean yes, it is beautiful and I’d take his most disgusting antics anytime over the point in my life when I didn’t know him…. But babies can be gross – and here are 8 gross things (Real Facts of Life) that no one told me about motherhood:

Detailed Poop Analysis

I tend to spend way too much time investigating our little one’s poops. From its colour to the creamy texture, consistency, and the frequency – EVERYTHING is clocked. The amount of time I have spent poring over diapers and analysing them is not funny! I could have made a lot of money by sitting in the lab and doing it for others!

 The Smelly Affair

“Is that your vomit? No, that’s probably the spit burp. Wait, no, that’s a bit of your poop! Well, let’s just smell it anyway to make sure.”Argh, sounds disgusting? Those are the sounds of motherhood.

The Unwanted Food Will Land Up in Your Tummy

The one thing I have gotten used to is eating discarded morsels. You know, the kind that have been chewed upon 20 times and spat out of your precious thing’s mouth out of sheer boredom.

You’ll usually find these morsels on the corner of the high chair table – and more often that not, in the form of a spitball in your hands.

All this, mind you, happens within the fraction of a second – in case, you were about to suggest the use of a napkin.