Are you on a rebound?


Going through a break-up and your heart still feels sore? The last thing that you need right now is another relationship. The emotional void you want to fill is understandable, because it’s at times like these when you desperately feel the need to have somebody by your side; someone who makes you feel wanted and gives your self-esteem that much needed boost. You are vulnerable and it’s only natural that you easily get drawn to a person who’s showering attention on you. But beware… this attraction could just be on the rebound, something you may regret a few weeks or months down the line.
The rebound relationship may turn out to be weak
After having invested heavily in your earlier relationship, it is obvious that you are emotionally drained, which means that even if you want to, you cannot have a solid relationship with someone right away. Add to that, if you are going back and forth with your earlier and current love, it is never going to work. Says psychologist Rachna Kothari, “While love is a bonding, a relationship on the ‘rebound’, as the name suggests, will certainly not be strong. You may feel that you’re in love, but actually it could be an illusion, a mirage. Rebound is just filling the gap, temporarily!”
Get closure
Ending a relationship in a normal way, wherein both of you agree to close the chapter, guarantees closure. Do away with all the drama that comes with break-ups by being mature about it. Talk it out with your partner. Have long conversations if you want to, to finish off with the blame game and decide whether you still want to be friends with him/her later. Only when you have complete closure will you be clear in your head and ready to move on. If your earlier love holds you back, you may not be able to give as much to the one who is currently in your life.
You feel the need for a partner and may want to commit quickly, but hold back a little. Give the new relationship time before you invest yourself deeply into it. Also, the one who claims to be in love with you has to identify his true feelings for you, since it just might be pity for you which he/ she feels is love. So, it’s best to give each other space and keep some distance to find out whether it’s really love. The time that you spend away from each other is bound to make you realise whether the relationship should be explored further. According to Rachna Kothari, “If you want to strengthen your rebound relationship then you need to strengthen your mental makeup or emotions. You need to take efforts to stop being vulnerable or over emotional and become capable of making practical decisions and thinking rationally. Spending quality time together, understanding and acknowledging each other’s strengths and weaknesses, figuring out whether this is true love or mere lust or just a stop-gap will help you decide if you should take this relationship ahead or not.”
You may get lucky too
There have been cases where love may have happened on the rebound but over a period of time, it’s worked out well for people. Says Rachna,
“There can be times where an individual’s rebound relationship actually turns out to be qualitatively better than the previous one. And if it is genuine, and they go about strengthening it, then this love which actually began on rebound, may last forever!”For a person who is dealing with a break-up, getting into a relationship on the rebound means re-affirmation that they can still find a partner. This may raise your level of confidence, but at the same time it might turn out to be a selfish gesture. Says psychiatrist Dr Pavan Sonar, “Once you identify that the other person is on the rebound, know the fact that such people cannot offer true love to their partners in this state. So, keep your expectations realistic and be ready that this may be a temporary relationship. If you are looking for a long-term relationship with the person on the rebound, you might need to wait for months or years together. In such cases, discuss the long term interests or goals from the relationship and learn to be patient while at the same time avoid putting pressure on the person to take hasty decisions.”
To find out whether a person is on a rebound relationship, Dr Sonar gives some tips. “A person on the rebound may shower too much love without a reason. This affection makes you feel either totally fulfiling or totally empty, leaving you confused. They always compare you with their ex since most of the time they are still occupied with their past which might also lead to them stalking their ex on social media. However, it doesn’t stop them from portraying as if you are a long term couple even though you might have just started dating. Such a relationship also sees a lot of sexual activity in a very short period of time. You should also be aware that they might remove their anger and frustration on you rather frequently.”
Ask yourself these questions to find out if you are in a rebound relationship
Do you still think of your past relationship and wonder where it went wrong?
Do you feel guilty of the break-up and wish that things should have turned out differently?
Do you avoid making future plans?
Do you find excuses to talk about the past and compare your current partner with your ex?
Do you feel you can still go back to your ex love and work out things for the better?
Do you keep a track of what is going on in your ex’s life by continuosly checking out their movements on social media?
Do you feel you are still not ready for a commitment?
Do you get all nostalgic when you are drunk and start talking about all the fun times you had with your ex

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