1. Your relationship social media game is on point. No one is jealous of that couple who has arguments or 1,000 kissing selfies on Facebook. But they will be jealous of the couple with playful banter that doesn’t post too often.
2. You’ve heard some weird rumors about you. People have made up some odd shit about how often you fight, or that you’ve cheated, or things that couldn’t be further from the truth, because people don’t trust how happy y’all are.
3. Some shady people are always trying to start drama. It’s not just rumors, but it’s the idea that people want to see one of you get mad. You’re at a party and people are like, “OMG isn’t he all over that girl” and you’re like, “No, he put his arm around her in a picture.” But people just want to see if there’s a chink in your armor.
4. Your boyfriend has a “friend” that’s always trying to get him alone. This “friend” isn’t jealous of the relationship, she’s also jealous of you. Your boyfriend is probably completely oblivious, because he’s a nice guy and the idea that two women want to sleep with him probably never occurred to him. You’re lucky like that.
5. You know in your heart that people are passive-aggressively not liking your status updates. Because your vacations and date nights, when you do post them, look too perfect. You’re not that petty, but sometimes it sucks not to get feedback when you know you just ‘grammed a good picture. Off topic, but I will never not think of “‘grammed” as “the past tense of grandmaing something.”
6. You don’t get invited to “couples things.” In some cases, yes, this could mean you’re just a real garbage couple. But if you know that you’re not awful to be around it could just be that people hate seeing a couple that’s so happy, because people don’t like being reminded that they’re miserable and they haven’t done anything about it.
7. Your PDA is actually adorable. And I don’t use that word lightly. You’ve mastered just the right amount of ‘arm around shoulder’ and cheek pecks. And without the resentment that full-on dry humping in public will typically garner.
8. Your friends complain about their boyfriends and you don’t even realize they’re serious. If you’ve been confused by people complaining that their boyfriend is a cheat/can’t make them orgasm/isn’t romantic… congratulations, you’re very obliviously happy and everyone secretly hates you.
9. Your friends hate hearing about your relationship “issues.” It feels like they go on about their problems all the time, and they dismiss yours. It’s probably because your relationship is so great, that your problems look petty by comparison. It might be frustrating at times, but it’s a good problem to have. Like ordering too much pizza so you have to extend your cheat day into tomorrow. Or ordering too much pizza so you have to eat pizza all week.
10. People say, “I’m so jealous of your relationship.” They mean it. That’s not an empty compliment.